Loveless
by Zhe01
Summary: Sadness is very heavy. Loneliness is very painful. Emptiness is very hurtful. RitsukaSoubi
1. Heaviness

**Sadness is very heavy.**

"Soubi?"

"Yes."

"Were you… Seimi… Were you going to make him lose his ears?"

"…Aa."

"He was old enough when…"

"He didn't want to, yet."

Ritsuka remained silent, his ears unconsciously twitching and responding to Soubi's petting hand. His tail danced around.

"There are many things Seimi didn't want - some of them were even necessary, but he was my sacrifice and I…"

"Did you love Seimi?"

"…Aa."

"Is that why you love me? Because I remind you of him?"

Soubi remained silent.

Ritsuka's ears hid in his hair and his tail stilled on his hip as his knees came up and his arms curled around them. His brows frowned as warm sadness engulfed him. Heaviness kept him pinned in his position, and that was how he fell asleep and woke up the next morning. Detached. Sad. And heavy.


	2. Loneliness

**Loneliness is very painful.**

He opened his eyes and took in the light, a sense of loneliness flooding in. It felt too warm. Normally, warmth was appreciated, but this morning it was a frustrating mock. So he rid of it quickly and rolled off the bed.

"Ritsuka?"

"What?" he said, already moving towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"School."

"It's too early."

"I'm awake."

Ritsuka shut the door behind him.

_Strange._ Soubi shook his head clearer and stretched before getting up himself. He was surprised when the shower started. _Showering this early in the morning? What's wrong with him?_ Soubi watched the door for a moment and shrugged then went to prepare breakfast until Ritsuka was done so he can use the bathroom after.

By the time the shower went off, breakfast was already on the table and Ritsuka's lunchbox was sitting on the counter.

Ritsuka had a towel over his head when he did come out, fully dressed.

Soubi smiled. "My turn. Go on and have breakfast."

Ritsuka silently sat at the table and picked up the chopsticks.

Soubi, without question, walked into the room then to the bathroom.

Ritsuka poked his food until Soubi came back and stood at the threshold.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry."

Soubi leaned his head on the doorframe.

Ritsuka kept poking. He looked up at Soubi. "Why are you just standing there?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Whatever," he replied going back to moving his food around the plate.

"Ritsuka?"

He looked at Soubi again.

"Are you angry? Have I done something to upset you?"

"Does something have to be wrong for me not to be hungry?"

Soubi kept silent.

"I had a dream."

Soubi kept listening.

"I know why my name is Loveless." Ritsuka put his chopsticks down. "Because I shall be loveless forever. I am the one without a partner, without love to recieve, and without love to give."

Ritsuka got up.

Soubi remained silent.

Ritsuka put his jacket on and pulled the bag over his shoulder.

"And that is why Seimi told you to become my fighter. He knew that. You know that. And now, I know that too. I don't need anyone who doesn't put me first. I'd rather be loveless than almost loved."

Ritsuka closed the door after himself.

Soubi looked at the forgotten lunchbox.

"_Did you love Seimi?"_

"…_Aa."_

"_Is that why you love me? Because I remind you of him?"_

Soubi frowned.

_Is this what this is all about?_

"He forgot his lunch."


	3. Emptiness

**Emptiness is very hurtful.**

Ritsuka walked through the gates.

_"Ritsuka? You forgot your lunch."_

_He looked at the lunch pack._

_"I don't want it."_

_"Please."_

_"No."_

_"Please take it, even if you end up just giving it to your classmates."_

_"I don't want it!"_

_He ran towards the school's entrance._

"Maybe I shouldn't have been too hard on him. It's not his fault I'm this way."

"Eh? Ritsuka-kun is talking to himself."

He looked to his left. "Yuiko?"

"You haven't been listening to class, have you? What's bothering Ritsuka-kun?" She frowned.

"Nothing." He looked back towards the board.

Before he knew it, he was walking out the building towards the gate. He stopped, knowing that Soubi was there, leaning on the wall and waiting for him. He shook his head. _I don't want to see him._ He stood there.

"Ritsuka-kun won't get home if he keeps glaring through the gates!" Yuiko laughed.

Ritsuka glanced at her absent-mindedly then turned back to the gate. He started walking. Once he stepped out, he looked to his right, where Soubi usually stood. The hole in his heart gaped when his mind realized the spot was empty. _What was I expecting anyway,_ he thought, his ears disappearing between his hair.

He walked home slowly, sighing occasionally.

A peppermint candy cane popped in front of his eyes.

His ears flew up as he stopped and his eyes widened.

"Ritsuka's favorite."

His heart beat faster. He held it and turned to look, his tail unconsciously swishing behind him, making Soubi smile.

"Ritsuka shouldn't think too much, it might overwork his growing brain cells," Soubi said, smiling. "If it gave you the idea that nobody loves you, then it's obviously treacherous, because I love you, Ritsuka. You fell asleep before I can answer you and I forgot to answer you in the morning, forgive me." Soubi paused as Ritsuka held the candy. "I love you because you're not Seimi. I love Ritsuka. Now, eat your candy to fuel up your mind so you can stop being depressed over nothing."

Ritsuka flustered. "You think candy can make things alright? How can I trust what you're saying?"

Soubi calmly looked into Ritsuka's eyes. "Won't you believe me?"

Ritsuka felt his breath leave him as he looked back into Soubi's eyes.

_I hate it when I look into his eyes like this… It's like… I drown…_

"Let's go home… I want to go home…" Ritsuka said, feeling lightheaded.

Soubi took his bag and put a supporting arm around him as Ritsuka clung to him. He smiled.


End file.
